know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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