We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
