if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
