Porn is love you can see.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
