i permit you to call me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
