No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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