Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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