I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
