U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need water and some morals
is it fun? or sober?
Never underestimate the power of titties
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize