Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
