need another drink. this is the easiest way
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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