i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
