There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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