Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize