Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
