Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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