you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
