I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
