everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
