I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
