My room smells like vodka and shame
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
