I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I want a musical about memes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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