he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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