Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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