Yo dont text me then not text me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
