He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
