I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize