So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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