Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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