Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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