So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you had me at cake vodka
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
