last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
