Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
