Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
