Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
