if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
