I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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