If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
