When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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