3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
