I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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