dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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