I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
