a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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