I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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