im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
