did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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