Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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