she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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