apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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