My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
