Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
