just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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