Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
