Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
