Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
