I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
