Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
