So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone came in the potted fern
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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