my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My pussy is not your playground.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
