my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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