alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
