So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
