so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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