And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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