Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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